Haha ladies keep this away from kids!

 

 

 

I was so tickled when I received this pic in the email. Reminds me of my best friend's lil sister.

Many years ago, her mom removed her IUD thingy and like immediately she got pregnant with my friend's lil sister. 16yrs in difference.

Her sister was a cute bundle till she grew up. Oh well, all kids are like that.

Anyways, she was telling me one incident where her sister used to scream to be let into e room. And she didnt care whether or not my friend was busy.

So one day, her sister did e same thing. Now, e little girl was barely 2 yrs old and could barely talk much sense but my my, she's one helluva smart and cute kid.

See, she was in e room with my best friend and my best friend was having her period. Ya know how sometimes we don't bother about lil kids and just do our own private thing thinking tt these kids wudn't know and understand any thing?

Haha so wrong! My friend thot it wud be alrite if she changed her pad (she was having her period) in e room in front of her sister. At tt moment, her lil sister did nothing. But imagine e horror coming up.

Months later, Hari Raya came and while she was busy helping her mother serve e guests, a loud shriek came from e middle of e hall. 

As everyone turned towards e shrieking noise, my best friend dropped everything and ran to carry her sister away.

Haha wonder what happened?

Her smart lil sister actually took a few pads and stuck it on the OUTSIDE of her panties, having it handing and dangling for everyone to see.

Imagine e look on my best friend's face!

I couldn't stop laughing!!!!  Hahahah

So ladies, e next time u have lil kids around, pls keep your pads properly! 

:P 

 

Losing a dear friend is always e hardest. I have decided to share with you all a very touching story about life and death, and the friends we have.

 

The following is sure to stir up your heart and touch your soul.

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AHAHAHAHAHA that soooooooooooo cracked me up.

 

It's Friday tmr! TGIF people!  

 

 

 

Imagine Me Without You.. I totally digg this song right now. It's on my playlist right now. Thank gawd for earphone or else everyone will be yelling at me to quit e repeat mode. heh..

Check it out..and the lyrics..just amazing!!! I love such songs..theyre so soothing yet have this impact at e chorus..Wonderful..

 

>
Verse 1:
As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
'Til the end of time, forever
You're the only love I'll need
In my life, you're all that matters
In my eyes, the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one that's there for me

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
I need you

Chorus:
Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day
I'd be afraid without you there to see me through
Imagine me without you
Lord, you know it's just impossible
Because of you
It's all brand new
My life is now worth while
I can't imagine me without you

Verse 2:
When you caught me I was falling
Your love lifted me back on my feet
It was like you heard my calling
And you rushed to set me free

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
I need you

Chorus

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
I need you

Chorus

I can't imagine me without you

 

A lil something for my Malay(sian) readers..or those who understand Malay..Afterall i've been lambasting Malaysia quite a bit these days (there's actually more to come, but i've leave tt for another day) and sometimes blog wayy too much abt Chinese stuff. 

This is funny actually, considering e typical Yo Momma jokes almost NEVER make me laugh…e malay words refer to the topic above it. Taken off http://naeboo.liquidblade.com/

 

Mak Ko

November 11th, 2007

In the spirit of Malaysia Boleh and sprouting nonsense yo momma jokes, I will now present to you a newly made-up list of Malaysianised Yo Momma jokes!

[Rafidah: Yo yo. I’mma yo momma’s left toe. ]

Fat
- Yo momma so gemuk her left toe is Rafidah Aziz.
- Yo momma so gemuk when she when goes to Zoo Negara, the badak and elephants go, “Ya Allah! Mak!!”.
- Yo momma so gemuk, Samy Vellu pays for his toupees from all the extra money he charges her to drive pass the tolls.
- Yo momma so gemuk when she swims at the beach, dugongs die from the tsunami she creates.
- Yo momma so gemuk when her neighbours talk about going to The Curve, they meant going past her ass.

Stupid
- Yo momma so bodoh she failed her driving test ‘coz she gave kopi O to the traffic light.
- Yo momma so bodoh when she goes to church, she sings Billy Jean instead of Ave Maria.
- Yo momma so bodoh when she takes the LRT, she brings karipaps to “catch the latest movies on the widescreens on the sides”.
- Yo momma so bodoh when the mamak asks her if she wants telur mata kerbau on her maggi goreng she says, “No thanks, I don’t eat beef.”
- Yo momma so bodoh once she scolded the green man in the light for walking too fast before she could cross the road.

Nasty
- Yo momma so dashyat that she brings her own crabs to Port Dickson.
- Yo momma so dashyat that once when she opened her legs, Hang Tuah ran for the hills.
- Yo momma so dashyat that Saddam Hussein wanted to import her bath water as biological weapon of mass destruction.
- Yo momma so dashyat that Petronas is considering developing alternative fuel from her armpit grease.
- Yo momma so dashyat that Haji Taib trannies throws her money to get some plastic surgery done.

Ugly
- Yo momma so hodoh that when she goes out at night, the pontianaks rather stay in and watch pirated DVDs.
- Yo momma so hodoh that when she walks around at Lorong Haji Taib, the trannies charge her for public indecency.
- Yo momma so hodoh that when she filled in the application form for Miss Malaysia, it turned into murtabak ayam so she ate it.
- Yo momma so hodoh Steven Lim looks to her for inspiration on how to be even more disgusting.
- Yo momma so hodoh when Shrek came out, she thought it was a documentary on her life.

 

I want Christmas pressies!!!!!

HEHEHEHEHEHEHE i know i know! I'm soo thick skinned right? But aww cmon it's e season of giving! So cmon, give ME some pressies!

Hurhurhurhurhur

Every year at this time I get into e Xmas mood and from then on till abt Jan..i'm practically singing Xmas songs, I wear red undies (just kidding! tho i bet u DO wanna see me in just my red undies yea? ), I do lots of nonsensical shopping, Xmas mp3s are on repeat mode in my playlist and all i do is talk abt Turkey, Candy Canes, Stolen, Puddings, Stockings etc etc! And of course not forgetting all e wonderful parties!

Sooooooooooooooooooo…

Since this yr i have a blog, i shall mention all e things i want for Xmas! Hehehe..You can choose to buy it for me or make a donation to my Paypal account on the top right..over there!

In no order of preference:

1) 1 night stay at Gallery Hotel @ Glazzhouse Room with Breakfast (about $450)

2) 1 night stay at Siloso Beach Resort - Roof Garden Suite Package ($388-$568)

3) Buffet for 1 at The Line @ Shangri-La Singapore (about $100 during Xmas time with drinks)

4) Shopping vouchers of any denomination from Marks & Spencer

5) Shopping vouchers of any denomination from G2000

6) Any handbag from Coach, LV, Banana Republic, Gap, Tommy, Balenciaga, DKNY, heck even Charles & Keith also can lah..

7) A new mobile phone..any kind as long as it's one of e latest!

8) Scented candles

9) Cute cushions for my car including those cute neck cushions

10) Some jazz cd to listen to while I drive

11) Shopping vouchers of any denomination from Robinsons or CK Tang or Takashimaya

12) Fragrances from Issey Miyake, Body Shop, Victoria's Secret, Hugo Boss

13) Chocolates from Prestat at Raffles City (cuz Godiva is sooo passe)

14) Stolen from Marriot Hotel..Marriot makes the BEST Stolen everrr…

15) Any earring, pendant or necklace from Tiffany & Co.

16) Candy canes..but of course!

17) Champagne or any wine will do..tho I strongly prefer Champagne

18) Movie passes..or whaddya call those thingies where u get e voucher to watch just abt any movie..yea i want those!

19) Anything u wanna buy me!

20) $$$ of ANY denomination to go on a shopping spree to buy everything else I want!

 

Hehehe so yea..if u already know me, pls do feel free to get me any of e above for Christmas. If you don't already know me, dont be shy, do go ahead and get me any of e above or do feel free to get me anything else LOL i know i know..ive got no shame but cmon it's Xmas!!!

Heheh if you my beloved readers are serious abt getting me any gifts (which I shall cross my fingers and hope for e best!), pls drop me an email and I'll give u my address. You can reach me at elmoism@gmail.com

For those who already know me..u know how to reach me too *wink wink*

 

Love u all!  

 

 

Attack of the MP! HAHA so fucking hilarious that i just HAVE to share this with all of you. Taken off talkingcock.com

 

The Public Utitlities Board has said that in the event of MP Thio Bee Got’s demise, her grave will also double up as a NEWater collection site.

Ms Thio Bee Got, a virulent opponent of the efforts to repeal section 377A of the Penile Code, apparently received hate mail from local award-winning poet Elephant Sha’atup saying that he would “piss on her grave”. (Don’t just believe everything you read in the State’s Times: read the actual email or something very much like it here.)

Ms Thio then filed a police report stating that the brief, single email constituted harassment, very similar in substance to the kind of sustained, abusive harassment Singaporean gays have been enduring for decades at the hands of certain authorities, religious nuts and intolerant hate-mongering bigots.

“It’s intolerable that people can send an email like that to me,” said Ms Thio. “This sort of behaviour proves why we must deprive certain people of their human rights.”

Meanwhile, the Public Utilities Board has said that the whole debacle may yet prove to be constructive for Singapore.

“The PUB has thoroughly investigated the matter,” said Minister of Urination Lim Shee Shee. “And we believe that when she passes away, Ms Thio’s grave would make an excellent collection point for the raw materials we need for making NEWater.”

Mr. Lim said the PUB had come to its decision because, “Mr. Sha’atup is a master at taking the piss out of people, and I’m sure he has inspired many more to follow his example. We expect Ms Thio’s grave to provide NEWater for generations to come.”

In related news, a US-based organization is cheering the conservative stance taken by Singapore’s parliament. “That’s the kind of spirit we’d lahk to see even here in the U.S. of A.,” said Mr. Ray Sist, Deputy Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan. “As a gesture of encouragement, we’d lahk to send y’all a gift of white hooded masks to match your white uniform, jest lahk ours.”

Meanwhile, the Gahmen has responded to local bakeries laments about how the rising cost of bread flour is affecting bread sales by saying, “Let them eat cake.”

 

The Teddy Bears are coming to town! Experience the magical world of hand-crafted teddy bears at The Arts House this November as international award-winning soft sculpture artists gather here to showcase their latest collections.  An extraordinary array of original limited edition works, with many one-of-a-kind pieces, will be introduced exclusively for the first time in Singapore for sale to the public.  This is truly a show not to be missed! Besides having a teddy bear workshop at the show, there will be sales of show merchandise with part of the proceeds going into The Business Times Budding Artists Fund.  This fund enables talented children between 5 and 12 years old distanced by socio-economic circumstances to pursue their aspirations in the arts. Please click on the links below for more details pertaining to : The Singapore Teddy Bear Show 2007 : http://www.moob- international. com/events/ index.htm The Business Times Budding Artists Fund : http://www.theartsh ouse.com. sg/btbaf/ Show Merchandise Pre-Order Special!

100% Cotton White Polo Tee with Official Show Logo Embroidery
			Original Selling Price: S$20.00 nett (adult’s size) Pre-Order Special: S$18.00 nett (adult’s size) Code : STBS-001A
			Original Selling Price: S$18.00 nett (kid’s size) Pre-Order Special: S$16.20 nett (kid’s size) Code : STBS-001K
100% Cotton White Round Neck Tee with Official Show Logo Design Print
		Original Selling Price: S$15.00 nett (adult’s size) Pre-Order Special: S$13.50 nett (adult’s size) Code : STBS-002A
		Original Selling Price: S$14.00 nett (kid’s size) Pre-Order Special: S$12.60 nett (kid’s size) Code : STBS-002K
100% Cotton White Round Neck Tee with Flying Panda Design Print
		Original Selling Price: S$12.00 nett (adult’s size) Pre-Order Special: S$10.80 nett (adult’s size) Code : STBS-003A
		Original Selling Price: S$11.00 nett (kid’s size) Pre-Order Special: S$9.90 nett (kid’s size) Code : STBS-003K
100% Thick Cotton Shopping Tote Bag, with 2-sided print, front pocket and full inner lining (Limited Edition)
			Original Selling Price: S$18.00 nett Pre-Order Special: S$16.20 nett Code : STBS-004
			Printed Text : i’m the flying panda’s parachute bag* *use me as a recycled bag too!
			Size: 42cm(L) x 35cm(W) Colour : vanilla & cocoa brown